When I was a little girl I learned how to open Christmas presents by peeling back the tape and taking a peek inside and then using the original tape and paper I would then re-wrap the gift so no one knew. Of course, that is assuming I didn’t find it before it was wrapped in the first place, which I was also expert at. I didn’t like the suspense of not knowing what I was getting. Once I found out, I enjoyed the anticipation of what I was going to get and could wait until Christmas.
Okay, this may not be past tense at all. I am still like this. Which may be why my husband has a hard time getting gifts for me. I take all the fun out of it.
I used to think all this was impatience, but I can wait patiently with excitement once I know what it is. I love the feeling of anticipation. I am very uncomfortable with the feeling of suspense to the point that it’s almost physically painful at times. I don’t like knowing that something is coming, but not knowing what it is.
My patriarchal blessing echos what I’ve known about myself since I was a child unwrapping Christmas gifts. It talks a lot about knowledge and understanding. I love studying things. I love the learning that turns my “I believe” statements into “I know” statements. I love building testimony. It works to my strengths. I love discovering those spiritual Christmas gifts, even if I have to wait until this life is over to receive these gifts. I know they are there and I am excited about getting them.
Do you know what my blessing doesn’t mention at all? Faith. Faith is not a spiritual gift that comes easy to me. Yet, faith is a necessary element of building trust in our Heavenly Father.
A friend recently likened life to chess board. Sometimes you get to be the piece that moves, and other times other pieces on the board are moving to prepare for your next move. Just because you’re ready and willing to move at a moment’s notices doesn’t mean the board is ready for you yet. Trying to move to your next spot before the board is prepared is a dangerous thing to do.
Our Heavenly Father is a master chess player. He sees the end from the beginning. He knows exactly what position he needs our piece, and the other pieces on the board, to be in at any given moment. When I let my discomfort over the suspense of the unknown bother me I am giving Satan power to manipulate me. However, when I step back and trust Heavenly Father, to whom my chess piece belongs, the discomfort subsides. I trust him to do what is best for me and although I don’t know the specific moves, I know without a doubt he will win the game. It is only when I replace my fear, or natural discomfort, with faith that I am able to be filled with peace.