I’ve been scared to state my opinion, and that scares me


I’ve been writing this blog for almost a year now, and in all the time there has been one major hot topic subject I’ve never broached. In fact, I’ve tip toed around it, and specifically avoided it. Even in seminary, I really soft peddled it. Not because I don’t have strong opinions or a testimony of the topic, but because my testimony leaves me in opposition of popular culture on the topic. It’s not just the generalities that scare me, it’s that people I know and love, friends, family members, people I respect. I don’t want to offend. I don’t want to have to explain things I don’t have the words to explain. I just want people to like me. I’ve seen people who state opinions similar to mine be slaughtered, not physically, but emotionally, and that scares me.

The bottom line, is the fact that I’ve been scared to state my opinion is the part of all this that scares me the most.

I’ve spent the last week watching a documentary on the history of the United States of America. I’ve spent the last few days in Washington D.C. seeing pieces of our history. In fact, I was on The Mall in DC when the Supreme Court ruled on this topic. It seems so un-American to be scared to state what I believe, and it gives me empathy for those with the opposing view who were scared to state their opinion for so very long.

What is my opinion that I’m scared to state? Actually, it’s more than just a mere opinion, it’s a testimony.

I believe that marriage is ordained of God and is between a man and a woman.

Was that so scary? Yes. Why? I don’t really know, but I do know that I’m not the only one who feels nervous about testifying of our unpopular view.

The biggest reason it is hard to state my opinion is that I don’t have the words to express why. Every reason I could state has already been stated, and been blasted. It’s not good enough for those who don’t feel the same way. This does not mean my testimony does not have a foundation, just that the foundation my testimony is built upon is not recognized as valid.

At the end of the Book of Mormon, Moroni is left wandering around alone because the Lamanites, “because of their hatred they put to death every Nephite that will not deny the Christ.” (Moroni 1:2) Those who have a different view than I am are not killing those who believe as I do, but emotional, and sometimes physical, persecution is real.

Moroni wandered because, in his own words “And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ.” (Moroni 1:3) He had an unpopular testimony, and it meant he was alone for the rest of his life.

His example gives me strength. Stating my opinion on gay marriage will not result in consequences so extreme, for which I am truly grateful. So although it is unpopular, although people may blast me with words, although this may be the scariest post I’ve ever written, I can no longer deny my testimony without risking my spiritual growth being inhibited.

I, Amy, will not deny that marriage is ordained of God, and is between a man and a woman.

NOTE: Original post stated “one man and one woman” – I have edited it to more closely match the wording of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”  


157 thoughts on “I’ve been scared to state my opinion, and that scares me

  1. So, basically, you’re afraid that your opinion will be pointed out to be narrow-minded, inhumane, and cruel. Because deep down you know it is exactly that, or you wouldn’t be ashamed to say it.

    I can’t for a moment believe you actually think you’ll be beaten within an inch of your life or murdered the way people in the LGBT+ community are every day. You do not have to fear any true consequences, lady, just a few people dissenting on the Internet. You’ll live. Oh, and you won’t have to be worried about being fired from any job you may have, or denied housing or loans, or denied the right to use the correct bathroom, or to adopt children, or receive more than the basic amount of healthcare or any number of other things the LGBT+ community has to deal with on a daily basis because people like you see us as subhuman.

    Also, you are simply delusional if you think fighting for the right to get married to the one you love just like everyone else is asking to be catered to, or wanting special treatment. How is it special treatment when it’s just the same thing everyone who isn’t gay or lesbian can do?

    My prayer for you is that one day you are able to open your eyes and see us for what we are: human beings who deserve exactly the same rights as you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. GDS

      “Also, you are simply delusional if you think fighting for the right to get married to the one you love just like everyone else is asking to be catered to, or wanting special treatment. How is it special treatment when it’s just the same thing everyone who isn’t gay or lesbian can do? ”

      Where does it stop? For thousands of years marriage has been clearly defined. Does is stop with LBGT? Haw about people that love their dog? If you disagree with that, who are you to define marriage stopping at same sex marriage? And if you do, you find yourself in the same place as people that don’t support gay marriage are in now. That is why the definition is not left to humans, it is left to God, and he as clearly spoken.

      But in the end, where you lost the argument is when you determined that Amy is “delusional” because she does not have your view. That is why she is scared. Wasn’t it just 40 years ago that gay feelings were deemed as a mental disorder, and gays were institutionalized for the “delusion”? Indeed it was. Her fears are well founded. History shows us that, regardless of cause, that zealots persecute those they are opposed too.


      1. silverxeno

        Consent. Dogs can’t speak their consent of a relationship. They can’t sign documents and show their passport or social security card as proof of ID needed to obtain a license for marriage. Dogs also can’t consent to a sexual relationship with a human.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kim

        that’s a disgusting argument. I’m not even going to address your dog comment. DEFINITELY not very christian. And don’t forget that not long ago, people were considered property. People weren’t allowed to share the same water fountain because of the color of their skin. We learn. We grow. We realize that basic human rights are equally important for all humans, not just the white male heterosexuals. We all deserve the right to be treated fairly and marry the PERSON we love. Just because you are stuck in the ice age doesn’t mean the rest of the world isn’t evolving as a whole. We do better when we know better. Or when someone finally gets the balls to make it a law.


      3. Chris


        “Where does it stop? For thousands of years marriage has been clearly defined.”

        I am not sure why you, presumably a devout Christian, believes it is OK to lie for your cause.

        You know perfectly well that marriage has not been “clearly defined” for thousands of years.

        You also know that the Bible condones many types of marriage not condoned today, including:

        –Marrying one’s slave
        –Marryine one’s rape victim
        –Marrying one’s brother’s widow (this was a requirement, not optional)

        And in nearly all of these arrangements, women were treated as property and had unequal rights in the marriage relative to the man.

        Much of this, obviously, has changed. Again, you know this. To claim that marriage has always been one thing, and one thing only, and has never changed, is to be completely dishonest.

        “That is why the definition is not left to humans, it is left to God, and he as clearly spoken.”

        You must be new here. In America, we do not leave matters of law up to what certain religions believe God said.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Kim – so you won’t respond to the issue of marrying a dog because it’s disgusting to you? Because you hold a personal belief that it is unnatural? Perhaps because you think it is wrong? So you do support making laws based on MORAL (whether religious or not) beliefs. There is a line for you, and a line for the author. They’re different, and she is entitled to her opinion without being called nasty names as some have commented already. That’s all she’s saying.


      5. Clearly, the issue of consent is lost on you.

        Two people who make the choice that be in a loving relationship are providing CONSENT.

        Animals and minors cannot consent.

        For you to conflate homosexuality and bestality shows your ignorance and small-mindedness.


    2. Jp

      You are doing exactly what she said would be done, making ugly comments, ” dilusional” is one of the words you used. I feel you could use different language to make your point. She never said you are subhuman, she never said she was afraid of being beaten or murdered. She never said you arent a human being. Those are your feelings and Im sorry that is how you percieve her comments.


    3. Random

      True, she will probably physically be fine, but if writing is her livelihood, and nobody reads what she has to say due to boycotts, that is a valid worry. Ask the bakers in Oregon if their livelihood, for doing what they thought was right, has been affected. While theirs is the most recent story, I’m sure there are others. Subhuman is the name you are giving yourself; no one else is doing that to you. It’s not the same rights I feel others are looking for, it’s more rights, including the right to destroy my livelihood, it’s the right to degrade me and those who feel as I do; it’s the right to come out swinging at straw men. Nobody has those rights currently, but politically, those who feel as I do feel that those are the rights that are being demanded. Same rights shouldn’t be an issue. More rights? Now there’s a problem.


  2. Aurora

    I am sorry someone is forcing you to believe that people like you should have more rights than people like me and that our country would be a better place if your belief of that were enough to make it law.

    I recognize your reasons, whatever they are, as valid reasons for you not to marry a woman. I don’t recognize them as valid reasons for me not to be able to. As long as marriage exists as a civil institution, which it does, religious reasoning should not have a place in determining its limits. Marriage is how adults tell the government who their immediate family is. I should be able to do that, and I should be able to do it the normal way that everyone else does. If you think that marriage should not be that, then you should argue against marriage as a civil institution rather than against my inclusion in it.

    Of course you should be allowed to state your opinion, and you are, but if your opinion is that you should be allowed special treatment that I am not, despite the fact that that exclusion does harm to me and people like me, then I am glad to now live in a country where it is popular to disagree with you.

    I don’t understand why you would want to hold beliefs which you know hurt people. But perhaps you really do feel as if you don’t have a choice. As if you there is someone out there who gets to make it moral to hurt people because somehow they have set up a universe that makes us living happy, loving lives just not work. I can sort of stretch my mind into understanding that. If that’s how it is for you, you have my sympathies.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jada

    Thank You Amy. Well Said. Thank You for Your Courage and for “coming out” in your own way. It took strength to say what you feel and believe despite the possible ramifications.

    Sometimes you know things with your heart that you can’t explain. I find myself in the same situation often. Having a powerful conviction but not being able to find the proper words and having feelings of fear for the way others might treat me.
    Be true to yourself and your testimony. 🙂


  4. Bill

    Do not be afraid.This is YOUR testimony, yell it from the rooftops, do not whisper it.It is YOURS.Joseph Smith wasn’t afraid, Christ and his Apostles were not afraid.I am not Afraid.And to those naysayers and bigots who will try to twist them , insult you, abuse you, do not let them.You are blessed above others, for these are the things of the Martyr, of those who are true.
    Godd Bless, we have your back.


  5. Jim

    Of course a dog can consent…just because it is unable to use human language, it does not follow that it doesn’t have feelings and desires. How dare you limit someone else’s ability to find love and have that union recognized by the government. Animal lovers have suffered shame and incarceration for too long.


    1. No. This isn’t about the language used, this is about capacity. Consent requires not just an understanding of the physical act, but of its possible physical and psychological consequences. A dog lacks any understanding of STD’s, any ability to decry an abusive relationship. This is the same concept of why we don’t allow pedophilia; while the physical act might feel “good,” the power dynamic is vastly imbalanced in favor of the adult, and the child lacks the ability to fully understand the implications.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Chris

    Do you know what gay Mormon teens are afraid of? Being disowned and kicked out of their homes because of who they love.

    There are many people out there who wish they had your problems.


  7. Jesse Rhodes

    I’m proud of you for writing this and posting it. At the end of the day we all feel better if we have been true to what we believe. You posted your opinion/ belief. Commenters posted theirs. Right on. These are our rights. Now start/continue to love and respect each other.


  8. Lenae

    Courage comes in many forms. Wrote the Christian author Charles Swindoll: “Courage is not limited to the battlefield … or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are inner tests, like remaining faithful when no one’s looking, … like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.” I would add that this inner courage also includes doing the right thing even though we may be afraid, defending our beliefs at the risk of being ridiculed, and maintaining those beliefs even when threatened with a loss of friends or of social status. He who stands steadfastly for that which is right must risk becoming at times disapproved and unpopular.
    -Thomas S. Monson


    1. Unbelievable

      Really? This is the way to respond to an opinion? Does your mother know you speak like this? Would she be proud? Could you say this to your grandmother?


  9. Pingback: Fear Not | That they may be light

  10. Random Pleb

    Why does a person’s opinion matter? She has a right to feel the way that they. You don’t change anything by being hostile, heck you become no different from those that discriminat. An opinion means nothing unless you give it meaning. You’re free to disagree but that doesn’t make the person less better than you. Shit, and I’m actually for same sex marriage. Yet we sit here and mouth off to each other and preach about equality when some can’t even accept that others see things differently. Is that hard? Is it?


  11. Linda

    I personally don’t agree with your view and mostly for one reason – it’s not yours. It’s what you read and were told to think. I want to hear how you researched this issue, how you spoke with LGBT people to understand their views, how you grappled with the idea, how much conflict it has given you knowing that you enjoy your marriage yet you are convinced that Bob and John shouldn’t be able to experience what you have. Even at school we are taught to go to many sources to back our held views up yet religious people seem so happy to hand over their thought processes to a book that they have been TOLD to believe.
    If you can expand your post to include how you have come to your conclusion that would be great.


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