We worry way too much about whether or not we trust our spouse

Image from LDS.org

I tried about 17 times to think of a suave introduction this topic, but I can’t think of one (okay, maybe I tried three, but I am inherently lazy and I tend to exaggerate, also I don’t think I’ve ever been suave in my entire life).  I have had this topic on the tip of my tongue for months and I haven’t written it up because I know how easily it can be misconstrued.  So, I’m just going to say it:

We worry way too much about whether or not we trust our spouse.

(If my life was a sitcom I would insert a spit take right here.  Also a laugh track, not for this moment specifically, but because I think having a laugh track may be the only way to get people to laugh at my jokes.)

I know, I KNOW, we all want to be in loving and trusting marriage relationships, and in no way do I want to undermine how wonderful it can be.  But for many marriages this is not the case.

The reasons you may not trust your spouse may happen for a variety of valid reasons, or maybe the lack of trust is even keeping you from getting married.  None of this precludes you from having a successful marriage.

Here is the thing:  Instead of worrying about building a trusting relationship with your spouse who may or may not have earned it, worry about building a relationship of trust with God, learn His will for you, and then do that thing with confidence.  That’s it.  If you are doing God’s will, you are doing the right thing.  Don’t worry about the rest.  This is what we are asked to do regardless of the depth or type of problem.  .

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

(2 Nephi 4:34)

I see so many comments and questions about how to rebuild trust with your spouse after betrayal.  These questions are coming from men and women who have been so deeply hurt and so badly want to learn how to be emotionally healthy again!  Trying to force yourself to trust someone prematurely can be so damaging!  If this is you, please don’t let this be a stumbling block on your road to recovery!  Set this piece aside for later, and work on building a trusting (aka faithful) relationship with God.  I promise, I promise, this is the quickest and most efficient way to heal.

If that means that God is asking you to stay in a marriage where you don’t trust your spouse, stay in and trust God.  If that means God is asking you to leave and find a new path, then leave and trust in God.  If that means that God is asking you to do something that makes no sense to you, then do that thing and trust in God.  Even if there is not even a smudge of a trust problem in your marriage, give your loved one a high five, and then trust God first!  (Maybe that should be the other way around, trust first, then high five.)

When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.

(The Great Commandment – Love the Lord, Ezra Taft Benson, April 1988)

So the question to ask ourselves is:  Do I trust God to the point I will act on whatever He tells me to do regardless of my perception of things?

If right now you are thinking “How do I build a trusting relationship with God?” you may be disappointed by my answers.  It’s stuff you’ve heard before a million times.  There is no shortcut, there is no spiritual infomercial product, we just have to buckle down and commit 100% to the standard answers:

  • Go to church with the intent to renew covenants and worship through Jesus Christ
  • Read your scriptures with the intent to be taught by the Holy Ghost
  • Pray with the intent to communicate with Heavenly Father

Every day, every day, every day.  (Okay, you don’t have to physically go to church every day, but you can live your covenants and worship every day.)  When you do these things with both a sincere heart (a true desire to learn) and real intent (when you get an answer you’re actually going to ACT on the knowledge) you will get answers.  You can’t just be curious to see what the answers would be, you need both the sincere heart and the real intent for the personal revelation to come.  But then you will build trust with God.  You will feel His love for you.  And unlike all the infomercials where the results they show are not typical, these results are guaranteed.


4 thoughts on “We worry way too much about whether or not we trust our spouse

  1. Having been one of many in this situation I would also add to attend the temple if able. It’s the best school.

    Another thing that helps is learning of my individual worth as a child of God. It sounds simplistic, but it’s the simple answers that are still true.

    But the most powerful thing for me was sincere prayer, and sincere listening, and then a sincere desire to follow through. Asking for my heart to be changed and being willing to accept it when it does was a big deal.

    This is beautiful and I loved it!


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